


The Scheming Hearts Club

by blackkat



Series: Silly SakuOro AUs [8]
Category: Naruto
Genre: ...kind of, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Friendship, Humor, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 22:25:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13645683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackkat/pseuds/blackkat
Summary: For a prompt on my Tumblr: Playboy!Orochimaru who ends up with Single Dad!Sakumo in the end. No understands what happened.





	The Scheming Hearts Club

**Author's Note:**

> Referring to this post: http://blackkatmagic.tumblr.com/post/170760403385/itachi-maru-imagine-a-modern-au-where-rather-than

“This,” Sasori says with more than a little bitterness, “is _sickening_.”

Tsunade, lounging in the corner of the booth with her eyes fixed on the bar, makes a noise of disgusted agreement, though the slant of her mouth is wry. “The bartender’s going to have a hell of a lot of sap to mop off the floor there,” she notes.

For his part, Kabuto is not nearly drunk enough to watch Orochimaru, always ruthless and cutting and brilliant in a way no one else can follow, actually _drape himself_ over another man. A man with a child, at that, when Kabuto had always been under the impression that any suggestion of domesticity was enough to make Orochimaru turn and run.

“I think it’s a bad thing I want to be his mistress,” Jiraiya mutters into his fifth drink of the night. Then he pauses, frowning. “Master? No, wait, I think that’s something different.”

Sasori rolls his eyes, but doesn’t look away from the slim figure standing perfectly positioned beneath the chandelier. “An acceptable alternative,” he says, knuckles gone white around his bottle, and the expression that crosses his face is unfortunately familiar. Want, and irritation, and jealousy because _that man_ has his arm wrapped casually around Orochimaru’s waist and it’s _maddening_.

Then Sasori’s actual words register, and Kabuto and Tsunade both turn to stare at him, Kabuto slightly horrified but curious at the same time, Tsunade entirely judgmental.

Sasori doesn’t even have the grace to look abashed. “He’s less aggravating when incoherent and tied to a bed,” he says blandly.

 _Kabuto_ certainly never tried that, but he takes another look at Orochimaru with the image in his head, and has to swallow hard.

Of course, the allure of imagining Orochimaru sprawled across dark sheets is rather defeated by the way Sakumo goddamned Hatake tenderly brushes glossy hair back behind one of Orochimaru’s ears, then leans in and kisses his cheek. Orochimaru doesn’t even attempt to deliver a stiletto to the balls for daring to show such affection, either; instead, he _leans into it_ , practically sitting on Sakumo's knee.

“I hate you,” Tsunade tells Jiraiya, brown eyes narrowed like she’s about to declare war. “Why did you have to introduce _him_ to Orochimaru?”

They all watch as Sakumo laughs at one of Orochimaru’s remarks, then stretches up to kiss the smirk off of his lips, and Jiraiya makes a sound of mixed dismay and indignation and longing.

“Well,” he says, heavy with drunken philosophy, “at least the bastard’s happy.”

Tsunade sighs. “That’s true,” she says, then heaves herself up from the table and grabs Jiraiya by the collar. “Come on, it’s your turn to buy, pervert. I want to get drunk enough that I can't remember what Orochimaru can do with his tongue.”

“Hime!” Jiraiya protests, but he lets himself be dragged along.

In their wake, Sasori and Kabuto trade glances, for once perfectly in synch. Tsunade and Jiraiya might be willing to bow out now that there's a serious contender, but for the rest of them, sabotage sounds like a decent first step in their campaign.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Scheming Hearts Club [PODFIC]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14961203) by [arkadyevna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/arkadyevna/pseuds/arkadyevna), [Opalsong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Opalsong/pseuds/Opalsong)




End file.
